& 15 years in between

I'm on an official offsite to Kodai, the same mountain area that housed me as a newly wed for my honeymoon. So many memories of what I was, and reflections on what I am today.




& 15 years in between

As a young lady, with excitement and an infectious smile,
I've travelled the same path uphill.
Now, as a grown up woman, as I trace the same bends and landscape,
I realise, still alive is the excitement and that smile.
& 15 years in between.

A newly wedded life, a husband, a life to live.
Now, a decade and half old marriage, a good part of young life gone by.
& 15 years in between.

I can change the world,
My way or highway. To,
As destined; everything has a pattern,
Live & let live.
& 15 years in between.

I want a simple life, kids,
Homemaker is a full time job; To,
Complex is simple, I'm a mother to all kids around me, sky is the limit.
& 15 years in between.

Just make enough money to pay my parlor bills and buy an anniversary present, small family trips; To,
Pay all bills possible and buy special gifts for special people; solo travel.
& 15 years in between.

I love my life, I want to live it full; make loads of friends; To,
I respect my soul, I want to enrich my life and prefer it short; art and books are my best friends.
& 15 years in between.

We loved each other dearly, I've played a mother to my mom; my life revolved around her; To,
In my memories; I mourn her parting, who helped me savour motherhood and became my child.
& 15 years in between.

As a young lady, with excitement and an infectious smile; To,
A grown up woman, bowing in gratitude to, the 15 years in between.

So much done, much more to do.
As I look back at the young woman I was.
I pat my back and thank all who made me what I am today,
Strong and tall as a mountain
A bold, confident, independent woman.
A calm soul, eager to grow.
A well lived life, lot more to learn & do.
Gratitude filled heart for those special few who keep me alive.
A bow to the 15 years in between.

The bends and turns seem the same,
This road, must have seen many more young girls pass this way.
Each a dream, each with hope,
Looking at the mountains and fearing the valleys.
Nothing has changed, but for,
15 years in between.

My wedding day, her dreams (The Random Tales Series)

May 2004

“Impossible. I am not going to wear any of this.”

“A bride has to wear all this.”

“Amma!”

“Priya!”

“You know what, I know how you switch between Rajathi and Konday and Priya. You use my name, and I know you are being rude. Huh!!!”

“So???????”

“Sheri. Fine. You win.”

“Good. So select. Quickly.”

“None of these.”

“What?”

“Too big and heavy.”

“They will hold your hair in place.”

“Ah! That again. I don’t like to plait my hair so tight, Amma. Gives me a headache.”

“We are not discussing this again. You agreed last week, Priya.”

“You are winning every argument, Amma, just by calling me Priya. Unfair play, Indira.”

“Konday, just listen to me on these things. I know what is best.”

“Hmmmmmm. Yes, I am sure you do. Fine. But let’s look at simpler ones Amma.”

.

.

.

“This is okay. I will manage this. We can book it. Done.”

“Not grand enough.”

“Very grand. More than enough. Amma, please.”

“Hmmmm. Okay, now the jewellery. White stones?”

“What? Artificial jewellery????? Why? You never told me this at home. You are embarrassing us at the store!!!”

“Needed Konday. Kazhutthu naranju irrukum appodan.” (Your neck will look filled with jewellery only then)

“But we have all that gold chains. And diamond in my ears and finger.”

“Podi. Those are not enough for your broad shoulders!!”

“What I have is enough, Amma. I wear only that. Let’s book this headset thing and leave. Its hot.”

“We can’t come again to book the jewellery. Let’s finish it now.”

“Amma. I am sure I don’t want any of this artificial jewellery. I am very proud of what I have.”

“Sabhai ku poradu.” (Not enough for the society.)

“We go home and talk. Come Amma, let’s drink a juice and leave.”

.

.

.

“Huh! Feels better to argue under a fan.”

“Hmmmmm. Wrong Priya. We should have booked that white stone set. It will look very good in photos. I have seen many albums recently. Everyone hires. Nothing wrong.”

“Nothing is wrong about it, Amma. I understand. But I don’t want to fake the jewellery.”

“Hmmmmm.”

“I wear only what is mine. And whatever I am wearing is mine.”

“You will not wear mine too, then? Add it on na, please?”

“No. You will wear yours. I will wear mine. You too need to look like the bride’s mother.”

“But that will not look enough.”

“So what is your problem? That I don’t have enough gold or that it is not enough for the stage on Aug 20 morning?”

“I am happy with what we are giving you. I am not sure if it’s enough to look a bride. And the stage thing too.”

“Hmmmm.”

“They will all cluster on to one spot in the neck and look very less.”

“Okay. Got it. I will work this out, I have a plan. We will do a demo next weekend. If you are still not convinced, I will go and order. The bangles will be the highlight, Anyways. Wait and watch!”

“Okay. Let’s see.”

Aug 20, 2004, 6.00 AM

“Happy????”

“Yes.”

“Looks like enough?”

“Nothing is enough for me when its about you. But yes, good enough.”

“Good. You look lovely in this madisar. Mmmuuaaahhhhh. Photo with bride?”

“Yes.”

“Can you smile without tears?”

“I am not strong like you.”

“Yes, I stole all the strength from you, and left you with nothing. Ha ha ha.”

“Podi”

“By the way, does everyone know that you have as many new sarees for my marriage, as the bride? That everytime I changed to a new saree, you too did????”

"No. Not many. Now don't be going around saying that to everyone. You were the one who insisted that I relive my marriage in your wedding."

"Ha ha ha. Yes yes. Just asking. Smile di Ammave.”

“Okay di Amma.”

(This picture does not flaunt the jewellery, as much as she would have liked it to, but the pic is about the smile. Sans tears.)

(Lip)Stick to your promise, Amma (The Random Tales Series)

“You had promised, Amma. Today is Aug 19, 2004, 6.00 pm. You have to.”

“You really want me to?”

“Swami kannu kutthum. Enakku ennu?!?!”

“Priya! Don’t mock. Please promise me you will not make sarcastic comments like these in your new life.”

“Let’s get this right. There is nothing like new life and all that, ok? Let’s not give it so much hype na, please?”

“Okay, fine. But promise?”

“I will do my best. I promise.”

“And don’t be this loud.”

“WHY?”

“SEE!!!!”

“See yourself! Huh. I will try Amma. But I can’t pretend.”

“Diplomatic is an option.”

“Yes. I skipped the option. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.”

“Not funny.”

“Sheri sheri. I will do my best not to be sarcastic about religion, God, and not be too loud with my thoughts. Now your promise keep-up time. Its my marriage reception evening, Amma. You had promised lip stick. Ha ha ha. I cant wait.”

“Okay. I will wear this meroon shade lipstick. Just for you. Very light, okay.”

.

.

“Looks like pink. 2 more strokes. Please, Amma. Don’t fuss.”

“Now?”

“Hmmmmm. Nice. Matches with your toe nail polish color.”

“That is also a first time, just for you. And last time.”

“Thank you, Amma. I promise I will not marry again. You will not have to do it again.”

“Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha”

“Thank you very much!!!!!”

“Ah! Sarcasm! Ha ha ha.”

“Get ready fast.”

“I would have preferred to dress up by myself. I don’t like others touching me and putting a saree on me.”

“We have paid her already. Don’t fuss. Get ready fast.”

“Grrrrr.”

“I am going out to greet people. Be on time, bride.”

“Of course, bride mother. Remember not to strain too much. Sit whenever you can. My one eye will be on you, full time.”

“Don’t worry Rajathi. I will be fine. You enjoy your reception. Its going to be a big crowd. Keep your evergreen smile on. I will be fine.”

“Hmmmmm. Sure. My one eye is following you.”

“And …… You looked nice in your nischadartham saree. Thank you for agreeing to buy that saree and wearing it so gracefully. I know you don’t like that bright combination with those big checks design.”

“Hmmmm. Yes, Amma. I think that color is too bright for me. I don’t feel good in it. But your face was brighter than the saree when you saw me in it. Damn worth it.”

“Thank you very much. I love you in it. You looked like a bride, for one occasion.”

“He he he. Thanks. I will wear it often for you.”

“Okay. On time, okay.”

“Thank you for wearing that lip stick, Amma. I love you.”

“I know!”

Old is Gold, Golder when its HERS (The Random Tales Series)

“Amma, don’t get tensed. Sit. Relax.”

“Podi Konday. We have just 5 minutes to leave. I am so sorry I did this to you.”

“Amma! Nothing is wrong. The saree is stiff, that’s all. It is being fussy. She thinks she is the bride. I will put her in her place, give me 2 minutes.”

“You should have agreed to my idea and worn this meroon. It would have been easier. We can exchange right away.”

“This is a beautiful saree. The green and turquoise-ish blue are used so well. Not much jarigai too.”

“I don’t know too many brides who want to wear a 25 years old saree for her entry to the wedding hall. What if it tears?”

“Now you know.”

“All girls demand a new saree for every occasion. And look at you.”

“Ha ha ha. Not comparable. They don’t have you as their mother who has such a beautiful collection of sarees.”

“Podi. I want to cry. This is my marriage engagement saree. May 12, 1977. We are on Aug 19, 2004. Look at yourself.”

“Okay. Go to that room, cry and come back. By then I will be ready.”

“Priya! What are you doing? Wait. Don’t crush the saree like that. Swamiye!”

“Now it will obey me. It just has too much starch for a silk.”

“I had told him not to starch it. I promise, I did, Konday.”

“Amma, it is okay. Don’t worry. I am not at all worried that it is stiff.”

“If it doesn’t sit well, it could make you look fat. Also, you are not getting a make-up done. Just compact, eye liner and lip stick. I don’t understand.”

“Who cares Amma. People will anyways judge.”

“I want you to be the most beautiful bride.”

“I am not sure. I will be the boldest, though.”

.

.

.

“Okay, Amma?”

“Goodness, yes. Oh yes, it sits well. Oh good actually. You have done well. God is with us.”

“Ha ha ha. Of course. Just 5 minutes late.”

“Priya! Promise me you will not make such remarks in your new home.”

“Fake promise.”

“Kadavule, indu kozhanday-u rakshichiko.”

“People are waiting for us. Let’s go. The bride is ready.”

“The simplest, non-fussy, non-demanding bride I have seen so far.”

“A bride anyways. My Amma’s bride.”

“God bless you.”

“Stay calm through the 2 days Amma. Remember your promises to me.”

“OK OK. I will.”

First to Last – a journey of 20 years (The Random Tales Series)

1998

“Amma, I like this green. But not this material, itchy Amma. Blouse is very simple.”

“Priya! It is your first blouse, its more for fitting. I don’t have too many cotton sarees. Also, this is with chumki and all, good for your age.”

“Amma, this doesn’t look as good on me as it does on you.”

“Who says so????”

“Mirror on the wall.”

“Uff. Go to your room and ask that dressing table mirror. It has been in love with you since your std. 5. It will pamper you.”

“Amma, it is transparent. I don’t like transparent.”

“You don’t behave your age, konday. It is not looking vulgar, if that’s what you are worrying about.”

“Hmmmm…..”

“What do you want NOW? Change to your night dress, go.”

“I know what to do. I haven’t worn my bangles yet, that is why I am feeling incomplete. Aaaahhhh yes, I need them, now. See you in 2 minutes.”

“Wait, listen. Do you have enough bangles or you can wear my gold bangles.”

“Nah. MY glass bangles. I have enough green to lend to the world.”

“Lend? Give them away, Rajathi. They are so old fashioned. You wear 1 dozen in each hand.”

“Never ever. Don’t dare give away even one of these to anyone. I know you gave some red ones to Pusham Akka’s sister that day. Don’t think I don’t know. I keep a check on my things, esp bangles. You don’t touch them, please.”

“Come here and talk. I can’t hear you.”

“LIAR LIAR, You heard it. WAIT. 2 MINUTES DI AMMAVE.”

1 MONTH LATER

“Nice photo Rajathi.”

“Hmmm. I am not as slim as my classmates. Broad shoulders. Broad hips. No fat for now, thankfully.”

“See your smile, Rajathi. Not many have that smile too. All my problems evaporate in your smile.”

“Hmmmm. Here take, more smiles. Some more. Little more.”

“Enough enough.”

“Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha”

2017 October

“I am not sure Konday, if I have the energy.”

“Hmmmmm.”

“Hmmmmm.”

“But you want to?”

“Hmmmmm.”

“Hmmm yes or Hmmm no?”

“YES.”

“Can you say a yes without tears?”

“Podi.”

“That yellow pink saree na Amma, is very light. I checked it this morning, trial you know.”

“Yes, nice color.”

“You just have to stand for 90 seconds Amma. I promise I will drape it super quick.”

“Hmmmm. Okay.”

.

.

.

“Thank you very much, Rajathi. I am wearing a saree after many months.”

“You look so good, and say that without tears, please. As always, you look pretty. You look like my elder sister and not my mother.”

“Hmmmm. People always say that, isn’t it?”

“Hmmmm. Yes.”

“Hurt you ever?”

“Yes and no. I love the idea that you look young. No complaints.”

“But the comparison?”

“Amma, each her life. Each her battles. Each her reasons. There cannot be a comparison. You don't have to under dress for me. I don't have to look like you. I look like me.”

“People still have made strong remarks. Family members too.”

“No one matters to me, Amma. You know me. Lotus … thottum thodamal, pattum padamal.”

“I too don’t matter?”

“You are the only Matter Amma. Rest everything is Maya.”

“I love talking to you, my Amma. Come more often.”

“I will Amma, as often as I can. Ready? Your friends will be here, anytime.”

“Yes.”

“Let me hold your hand and walk you.”

“Yes.”

“Soft hands di Ammave. I love you.”

“I love you, too. Oh sorry, I too love you.”

“Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. My Slow Coach student.”

April 2018

“Like last time, on me, totally. Just stand. Super quick. I promise.”

“Okay. Fast ok? I am tired.”

.

.

.

.

“That was fast, Konday, thank you. You have smart techniques with tough sarees too.”

“Learnt it from you. May be, for this day. The little joy that I can give you.”

“Thank you. A no tears thank you.”

“A kiss on the forehead for the most beautiful woman in saree in this world. You look lovely in this Kerala saree.”

“Podi.”

“Hmmmm”

“Oh okay sorry. I should accept a compliment with grace. Okay. Thank you Rajathi.”

“Ha ha ha. You are a lot of drama di Ammave. Come and sit in the deewan in hall?”

“Yes.”

“And I walk you.”

“Yes.”

From 1998 when SHE draped ME in my first saree; TO; 2018 when I draped HER in her last saree. 

J